mirror+writing

__**Mirror Writing**__ The young man looking back at me seems familiar. He has shimmery black hair with bronze splodges. When the sun gleams down at it, it looks like he has oranges on his head. I wonder when he will get a haircut because his hair is really thick. The kid has hazel brown eyes that light up his face until __**u**__ see the black bags under his eyes. Probably because he sleeps too late or wakes up too early. He has big, fat, bushy eyebrows that look like two black bushes on his face which make him look scruffy with his chapped lips.

His mother __**bout**__ him to this world on the 25th of November 1997. During his 11 years he has had some ups and downs, like one time he remembers vividly. __Once, when he was on his scooter racing his brother who was on a bike the kid was winning until (does this sound right?)__ **BOOM! ** His front wheel hit a small sharp rock and went flying in the air (__did the wheel go flying through the air?__) with the kid and the scooter. Luckily his arm broke the fall on hard rock solid concrete. He is lucky that it wasn’t his head. __He was on the floor in pure agony because of his arm at first he couldn’t fell anything until he started to move it again that’s when the pain came in (Does this sound right?).__ The young man was lucky enough that his dad happened to be driving by and saw him on the floor (Floor? Did it happen inside?) blood everywhere, with a little part of bone showing pale white and no blood on it for some reason. His dad turned back A.S.A.P and took him to hospital.

His ambitions are to become a dentist, like his dad, because they get loads of money and the little boy likes to spend money. If that doesn’t work out he might become a policeman or a pilot like his mum wants him to be - but his brother think he will crash. His favourite subjects at school are maths and P.E. He is excited about his first year at intermediate. As he slowly walks away he realises what a great person he really is. From Ibrahim.I //__Miss Crawford - A good piece of writing, Ibrahim. I like all descriptive language you have used in the first paragrah. I have never read a simile involving oranges before!__// //__A few sentences in the second paragraph don't sound quite right - read them aloud to yourself and think how you could make them sound better.__//